This past year has caused alot of hurt. I know because I feel it everyday and I know my hurt has gone to hate. I sometimes well I know I know I need therapy. I know I need someone to hold me and show me love in away I never seen before. See most of my love has come from people molesting me or people taking advantange of me and I know they are. Alot of my anger and frustration comes from people I meet online or chatlines because I just want some one to hold me one night because I DO FEEL ALONE. I feel like I am a monster trying to get out of this costume I am in.Because I know this is not me. I hope you understand what I am saying. Now I move into my new apartment and I shut out my family because I know they use me and I know it because the only time they are happy with me is when I have money to give but when I am on the streets noone is helping me or they have any excuse. But my door is always open. Or when I am in the hospital I get no visits. My MOM TOLD ME ONE DAY the reason she didnt come visit me is because it was nine dollars to park. I was speechless. But my brother was in the hospital for a whole month on the other side of town and she went everyday and then they moved him to another city and she went there everyday and at that time gas was high. Ihad to stay with my mom recently and I was in a room with nothing but a couch and my mom felt like I had money and she charges me two hundred dollars to be in that room with a couch. I bought my own food and stayed in the room and only came out for the restroom. Then I get the story of I am the step sister story and that hurted even more. At this moment I want to just step back go into a box. In the midst of all this foolishness. I bought my mom a refrigerator and other things I know she needed for the house. No appreciation was there she felt like I was suppose to because she was mom. Every Christmas I by everyone something I know their character I know waht everyone likes. My MOM went into her closet and gave me a gift that was given to her bymy auntie years ago at a garage sale, but my siblings recieved gift cards and new items. The only reason she gave me that was because I told her she never gets me anything so she felt guilty and so to make me wrong she did that. My mom feels because she is a minister she is always right,no wrong can she do. On the bottom of her text her signature is Mary,mother of Jesus and I am like wow really. I am tired and I just dont want to till with them any more. I told my mom thank you for not aborting me because I know she doesnt like me.My mom is embarrassed of me. My mom compares everything I do to everything she does.She compares my church to her church and gets mad at me and begin speaking negative to me about things I do and say or things I brong home or even invite her too. I just wanna leave Houston and not be around family